February 9, 2010 | Posted by TDZ
For the everyday Americans watching the main stream news, they must think the “Tea Party Movement” is some type of unsolved algorithm that could rid the universe of cancer. Every single day one hears news anchors asking- “who is behind the ‘Tea Party Movement?’” Is there any basis to these “primarily white, middle class, ultra right and confused Americans?” Are these just “well heeled scoundrels and demagogues being strenuously advertised by Rupert Murdoch’s Fox News?” “Who is at the head of the Tea Party Movement and does their message have any traction?” Well, you elitist, out-of-touch, goons in the media, allow me to assist you! (This advice also goes for you creepy leftist bloggers sitting in your underpants in your parent’s dark basement with your little Macintosh Notebook on your lap as you look up scholarly words for your next blog post!) The fact that you don’t understand the “Tea Party Movement” is precisely why your ratings blow!! You’re out of touch with the everyday Americans. Americans that are sick and tired of elitist punks in Washington believing their prestigious Ivy League diploma provides them with a ticket to tell the rest of us how we should, or should not, live our lives. The “Tea Party Movement” is simple. We want 5 things: less government control and entitlement programs, lower taxes, no rewarding “too big to fail” corporations with so called “bail-outs,” honesty from our elected officials, and fiscal discipline…you know, spending less than you actually make! Oh my goodness! Get out of here! That’s what the “Tea Party Movement” wants? What a bunch of white, redneck and ignorant racists! They want honesty, accountability, and fiscal discipline? What a bunch of right wing conspiracy theorist demagogues!! No, you elitist idiots, it’s just called the everyday beliefs of everyday Americans….or as you prefer… “Teabaggers.” Nice try though, you creepy basement bloggers and main stream media elites! Looks like you solved this “Tea Party Algorithm” about as well as that latest multi-level marketing algorithm predicted the stock market crash of 2008. Next up tonight- What’s behind the Scott Brown surprise victory…….
Categories: Daily Zings | 
Tags: Americans, fox news, funny politics, Main Stream Media, middle class, obama, Political Satire, Politics, redneck, rupert murdoch, Tea Party Movement, teabaggers, The Daily Zing, Washington D.C., white house, zing | 
1 Comment »
February 8, 2010 | Posted by TDZ
It’s Monday morning, you’re tired, the heart burn is raging from the “all you can eat wing fest,” you lost a $100 bucks on the Colts because Manning was a “sure thing,” and you forgot all about the cost to benefit analysis report you were supposed to have on your boss’s desk this morning. But hey, at least you’re not one of these guys. And if you just so happen to be one of these guys… at least you’re not this guy.
Obama the magnificent, the genius, Mr. Harvard himself ran into a little prompter problem. I guess he temporarily forgot how to read when he started mispronouncing “corpsman” as “corpse-man.” You just got ‘prompter punked.’
Akio Toyoda, President of Toyota, recently announced a 2.2 billion dollar recall of some cars and trucks due to gas and brake problems. Awkward! That’s going to be a fun meeting with the board and investors. Not to mention the apology to America.
Scott Lee Cohen, Democrat nominee for lieutenant governor of Illinois, recently dropped out of the race just a week after he earned the nomination from his party. “But why?” you ask. Well only because he was accused of beating his spouse and later holding a knife to the throat of his prostitute girlfriend. Uhh… Is this the best the Democratic party could come up with for a candidate? Sounds about right!
I don’t know where, but somewhere in America some poor sap invested $10 grand in these sure to be money makers.
Happy Monday, time to call in sick.
Categories: Daily Zings | Tags: akio toyoda, colts, corpsmen, fidel castro, illinois, lieutenant governor, obama, saints, scott lee cohen, super bowl, toyota recall | 5 Comments »
February 7, 2010 | Posted by TDZ
We hope everyone has a great super bowl weekend. Ya, the halftime show is usually over rated and the commercials aren’t what they use to be, but hey at least you’re not Keith Olbermann or Chris Matthews.
Categories: Daily Zings | Tags: chris matthews, colts, foot massage, Joe Biden, keith olbermann, michelle obama, obama, saints, super bowl | No Comments »
February 5, 2010 | Posted by TDZ
Our job is just too easy folks. It’s like they want us to zing them. Raj Pachauri got into a little hot water, or should I say a little glacier run-off water, recently when he said, without proof, Himalayan Glaciers would disappear by 2035 and that the glaciers were receding by a rate of 134 meters a year. The problem here isn’t his data, the data is correct, but only if you apply said data to his dome. Because in fact his hair line is receding at an incredible rate of 134 follicle widths per year and by the year 2035 he’s going to look something like this (click here) In honor of this travesty, this sham, dare I say, mockery, we have declared this comb-over “The Raj Mahal,” as the eighth wonder of the comb-over world.
Categories: Creations and Comb-Overs | Tags: debunked, global warming, global warming fraud, gone by 2035, himalayan glacier, meltting, raj pachauri | No Comments »
February 4, 2010 | Posted by TDZ
Fellow Americans, our worst nightmare has officially come true! Iran and their maniacal leader, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, are on the cusp of world domination via, dun… dun… dun… mutant turtles! That’s right folks, mutant turtles! Well, OK let me explain. Ahmadinejad has been making great boasts of late, praising his rocket launch this week as “a very big event” and “it will show Iran can compete with the West in the battle of science and technology.” It turns out that all the wack Iranian leader really did was launch a couple of poor turtles and some worms, ya… worms, through the atmosphere and into the lower ranges of outer space before it plummeted back to Earth. Click here for picture of rocket. It’s not clear who funded the rocket project but we do know where it was purchased. (Click here) Why the heck would Ahmadinejad shoot turtles into space you ask? Well the TDZ investigative journalist team has uncovered Ahmadinejad’s sinister top secret plan, code name: Secret of the Ooze. Ahmadinejad is trying to create a teenage mutant ninja turtle, by exposing them to powerful ultra violet radiation! Looks like someone has been watching too many “evil American movies,” i.e. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 1-4, Mahmoud, I’m talking to you! You’re no Casey Jones, though you do somewhat resemble Splinter. HAHA! The truth is folks, no one knows what this goon is doing. But we do know this, he is light years behind the U.S. in technology and civility. Mahmoud is already bragging about their next launch, they plan to be the first nation to send a squirrel to the moon!
Categories: Daily Zings | Tags: Ahmadinejad, Funny, Iran, missile launch, political humor, Political Satire, rocket launch, satire, teenage mutant ninja turtles | No Comments »
