If Chuck Norris was President

November 10, 2009 | Posted by TDZ

If Chuck Norris was President:

“Hope” wouldn’t be synonymous with Obama. Hope would be synonymous with “I Hope Norris doesn’t deliver a round house kick to my face for acting like an idiot”

If you introduce Norris to the health care bill, Norris will introduce his fist to your face.

The UN would actually keep peace in the world but only because the U.N. would stand for “Unleash Norris.”

One time when Chuck Spoke in Washington DC,  at the same time in New York, Chris Mathews got a tingle up his leg, and simultaneously dropped to the ground by a Norris round house kick to the face for acting like a tingly sissy.

There would be no such thing as global warming because the only element allowed in the atmosphere would be the element of surprise.

America would be owner of the world’s  most dangerous weapon of mass destruction, Norris’ left leg.

The Statue of Liberty would be out of service for 4 months… due to maternity leave.

One time two men said Chuck Norris was wack.  Usually this is cause for instant death but instead these men were forced to live the  lives of cowardice, imbecilic and gibber jabbering morons to teach the rest of the world a lesson. We now know these two men as Keith Olbermann and Chris Mathews.

Norris would solve the abortion issue by offering to father all the world’s children.  And he would be successful.

Under Chuck’s first 100 hours in office he would stop illegal immigration.  He would spend the first 99 hours on the Total Gym, and just one hour building an impenetrable border.

The military would actually change their uniform to a cutoff denim sleeveless and a pair of 501 jeans.

Once under Norris’ rule, an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was accidentally aired in North Korea, Kim Jong Il reportedly pissed his pants and jumped out of his window to his death.

Due to this evidence, the T.D.Z crew is endorsing Chuck Norris for President,  Also, we just determined that Norris’ team is vetting Seagal, Van Damme and Stallone as his possible V.P.’s.  Now this is change we can believe in!

Categories: Daily Zings | Tags: Border, Chris Mathews, Chuck Norris, Funny, Health Care, Humor, keith olbermann, obama, Political Satire, Politics, President, The Daily Zing, USA, zing | 3 Comments »

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