Articles from December 2009
December 31, 2009 | Posted by TDZ
TDZ sources intercepted an email that had a list of New Year Resolutions from the top 3 commentators at MSNBC. Take a look at what we found!
Chris Mathews said:
“I would just like to repeat the year 2008 over again…it brought me a constant tingle & thrill up my leg…I just..uh…I love the intellect and literacy of President Obama and every time I think of him I just get happy…Barack’s just like a mortal gift from God. That 2008 year was the greatest year in my life! Also, I intend to do everything in my power to make sure this President succeeds…even if it requires calling West Point and other military academies the ‘Enemy Camp’…it’s my duty to my President and country! Oh, and I’m going to get a new Obama figurine for my shrine.”
Keith Olbermann said:
“Well…after I lose 54 pounds…I intend to bring forth some extremely worthy causes in 2010. I will continue commentating during the Sunday Night NFL Pre-game Show, forcing viewers to put there t.v on mute…you see…I know that this hurts the network ratings and as a result it hurts the pocket books of those rich white republican NFL owners that overwhelmingly support & donate to the Republican Party…Hahaha! I’ll show them! Also, I will continue to nominate Bill O’Reilly the ‘Worst Person in the World’ because he’s definitely worse than Usama Bin Laden or any other murderer, rapist or terrorist out there…it’s just a fluke that he keeps getting 3 million more viewers a night on his show than I get on mine. But mostly, I hope to get a handle on my diarrhea disorder. I hate wearing depends!”
Rachel Maddow said:
“Damn it! I intend to start exercising harder and dressing better so that more women…and men for that matter…start obsessing more over me than that tea-bagging redneck Sarah Palin! Every time I mention Sarah’s name to my girlfriends…their jaws drop…I’ve had enough! Speaking of tea-baggers…I’m going to continue sending journalists to Palin’s book signings to interview the massively large crowds of hillbillies…I’m going to capture one of them on film saying something really ignorant and just keep playing it over and over to make Palin look like an idiot…and to paint her fans as racist & ignorant country folk. I’ll show those white-teabagging-rednecks and their Queen Tea-bagger, Sarah, that just because she can sell millions of books, does not mean that people really like her! And if one more person confuses me for Daneil Radcliffe (Harry Potter), or Katie Lang, I’m going to freak-out!!” (Seriously, you must click here to see the resemblance)
Yeah, folks, we couldn’t believe it either when we came across this email…but we’ll be honest…this information is just as valid as Sir Albert Gore Jr’s statistics on Global Warming! The TDZ crew would like to wish you fellow Cyber-Warriors-of-Zing a Happy New Year! May God bless you and your families…AND our country…throughout this new year! Strength & honor!
Categories: Daily Zings | 
Tags: 2010, Chris Mathews, daneil radcliffe, happy new year, keith olbermann, msnbc, rachel maddow, thrill up my leg | 
2 Comments »
December 30, 2009 | Posted by TDZ
David the Goonster Shuster strikes again! The other day Sir Shuster got butt-hurt at the Drudge Report for running a story about the possibility of Senator Baucus being ‘crunk’ (crazy-drunk) when he took the floor of the Senate and went on an over 5 minute long tirade about health care reform and how the Republicans are just the ”party of no.” Of course, Dung-head-for-brains David decided he’d really get back at the Drudge Report and its readers for posting that story. How would he do such a thing you ask? Well, to the logical mind, aka conservative thinking mind, one would think the best way would be to disprove the Drudge Report’s story…but no…David Dingle-dork thought of something way more ingenious than that. He decided he’d just attack the Drudge Report & its readers by sending out a Tweet on Twitter to all 13 of his followers and just call the Drudge Report “repulsive” and its readers a bunch of “Wingnuts.” Ouch! David-Dingleberry, do anything but call us “Wingnuts,” we just cannot handle that harsh type of criticism. Man, you Utopian seeking liberal ideologues make The Art of Zinging way too easy! As usual, Dingleberry-dung-head-David, followed the leftist & communist style approach of personally attacking the informer rather than discrediting the informer’s theory. Click here and judge for yourself: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5Y9X5ggxzA Hey Dung-head David, one question for you- I ashk one-uh uh question… group of a 6 repub-republica-cans…you know-uh whoat happen- uh- happened –uh…attack the bill, attack the bill, attack the bill, attack the bill…Senator uh-Grass-uh-ly…uh…I reclaim my time…constantly, constantly, pressured him..Pressured him…uh-Grassly said-uh…Dingleberry-David, are you a fully functional human being? You cannot open-mindedly watch that clip and conclude that Senator ‘Crunkus’ Baucus was not inebriated…unless, of course, you’re a leftist-ideologue lunatic like you, Sir David Goonster Shuster the Dingleberry-dung-head!!
Categories: Daily Zings | Tags: david shuster, drudge report, drunk, drunk on senate floor, max baucus, msnbc, republicans, senator baucus drunk, tweet, twitter | 1 Comment »
December 29, 2009 | Posted by TDZ
“The system worked” said Homeland Security Secretary, Janet Napalitano, in regards to the attempted terrorist attack on flight 253 to Detroit on Christmas day… No, Janet, your system failed! The only system that worked was the Shuringa-system…but nice try you freaking out-of-touch-liberal-pansy! Chaos erupted during Flight 253 heading to Detroit, due to none other than a Muslim-extremist-terrorist-nugget, Umar Farouk Abdul Mutallab, who tried to set off an explosive device sewn into his stinky stained underpants. Thank goodness a bad-ace named Jasper Schuringa was there to whoop Abdul’s butt! Shuringa, explaining the event, said- “Suddenly, we hear a bang. It sounded like a firecracker went off. When [it] went off, everybody panicked … Then someone screamed, ‘Fire! Fire!’” Schuringa continued- “I saw smoke rising from a seat … I didn’t hesitate. I just jumped.” Schuringa dove over four passengers to reach Abdul’s seat. The suspect had a blanket on his lap. “It was smoking and there were flames coming from beneath his legs. I searched on his body parts and he had his pants open. He had something strapped to his legs.” At this point, bad-ace Schuringa ripped the flaming, molten bomb — which resembled a small, white shampoo bottle — off Abdul’s left leg, near his very small and burned reproductive organs. He said he put out the fire with his bare hands. Eat your heart out John Rambo, Shuringa’s in town! Shuringa then yelled for water and members of the flight crew soon appeared with fire extinguishers. He then hauled the suspect out of the seat and said- “I took him in a choke to the first class and all the people were like, ‘What’s going on?!” We’ll tell you what was going on…Shurninga was putting the smack-down on that wimpy, pathetic and cowardice piece of terrorist scum! Jasper Schuringa, you my friend are a hero! You saw the enemy and attacked his pansy-ace and, quite possibly, saved everyone on board that flight. Any guy that single-handedly disarms a bomb on a an airplane while attached to the genitals of some weak-sauce Muslim extremists’ lap, and then puts that same psycho terrorist in a headlock-choke-hold, deserves The Daily Zing “Bad Ace of the Week Award!” Thank you, Jasper Schuringa, and congratulations on receiving the TDZ B.A. of the Week Award! As for you Janet, get a freaking clue ya wack-limp-wristed-liberal!!!
Categories: American B.A. | Tags: flight 253, Janet Napalitano, Muslim extremist, Schuringa, terrorist attack, Umar Farouk Abdul Mutallab | 1 Comment »
December 28, 2009 | Posted by TDZ
How do you know when you have a good health care bill on your hands? It’s kept hidden from the public by the people who wrote it, it puts people in jail who don’t buy it, it bankrupts small business due to employer mandates and raises private insurance costs due to federal regulations.
The Daily Zing would like to thank Bernie Sanders (D) Vermont, for assisting us by Zinging himself and his own amendment. Sen. Coburn (R) demanded Sanders amendment be read on the floor. Sanders got wind of what was going on and really knocked the cool out of himself by running like a girl to the senate floor to remove his amendment before all of its dirty little secrets of socialism were exposed to America.
Another way to know that this health care bill is great; you have to bribe senators & congressmen to vote for it.
- Marry Landrieu (D-LA) – $300 million dollars of taxpayer money.
- Chris Dodd (D-CT) – $100 Million dollar kickback.
- Bernie Sanders (D-VT) – $10 Billion for health centers. (I’m sure the money will be spent and managed wisely.)
- Ron Wyden (D-OR) – Promised by Dingy Harry he would support expansion of his state government health insurance.
- Tom Harkin (D-IA) – chairman of the Senate health committee, got a provision to increase Medicare payments.
You know there use to be a day when politicians were classy enough to at least try to perform their bribes and shady dealings behind closed doors…not anymore…they’ve gone Full Chavez on us!!
Last Sunday morning Harry Reid’s conscience, though mostly surgically removed, did have enough of it left that it could no longer bare the hideousness of this health care bill and mustard enough strength to take over the old and feeble body just for a second. When Harry Reid was asked to vote for the health care bill he responded NO. Hahaha, classic Freudian Slip alert!! He then coughed and stammered out a YES… goon!!!
This health care bill is horrendous, according to the latest Rasmussen Poll, 55% of Americans are against it. This bill needs to be killed. Not sedated, not put on pause…but Beatrix Kiddo, aka Black Mamba, Hattori Hanzo sword wielding, chop off its head worthy, killed!!!
Categories: Daily Zings | Tags: chris dodd, dirty politicians, Harry Reid, health care bill, health care bribe, Health care plan, kill bill, Mary Landrieu, Politicians, reid votes yes, ron wyden, senate vote, tom harkin | 3 Comments »
December 24, 2009 | Posted by TDZ
We want to wish everyone a MERRY CHRISTMAS and a Happy New Year!!
Categories: Daily Zings | Tags: Christmas, merry christmas | 1 Comment »
TDZ sources intercepted an email that had a list of New Year Resolutions from the top 3 commentators at MSNBC. Take a look at what we found!
