Welcome to psychotherapy, earthling.Please initiate your staring process into the whirlwind beneath my arms.As you do, you will start feeling very sleepy.You will begin seeing the future of the world.A world burned from the chemical excrement released by a generation of ignorant, pickup-driving, Bush-loving, rednecks who refused to heed to the global warming warning from Father Greenhouse Gore.Now, as you go forth staring into the whirlwind, sleepiness will overtake your mind and you will start seeing laser-like strips of green passing through the darkness behind me.Those green flashes are symbolic for all the plant life you would have saved had you heeded the warning of Father Gore.But feareth not, redneck-earthling.There is redemption for your ignorant actions.But in order to receive it, you will need the proper Wizard-of-World Power. Reach out and take a hold of a piece of the sandstone rock in front of you with your right hand, and secure the chopped down piece of tree life in your left hand.You will then rub them together in a clockwise circular motion (symbolic for the rotation of the earth around the sun) for 30 seconds.Upon completion, you will then touch your hands together, focus on the green life behind me, and feel the winds of redemption coming from the whirlwind beneath my soft, lifeless and pale hands.If you focus, you will obtain redemption and power.Well done, earthling.Now that you have Wizard-of-World Green Power, you must go forth deleting all emails, evidence, facts and details that are contrary to our global warning doctrine…just as I did with the Climategate evidence.Remember, you must act boldly and fearlessly, regardless of its legality to the law of the land.You must always remain loyal to Father Greenhouse Gore and his special words- “the earth has a fever.”And you must never accept any evidence refuting our doctrine, for it is as true as the words of The Green Chosen Ones’ words from the State of the Union Address just two nights ago.Now, with your Green-Warlock-Wizard Power, go forth and succeed!The earth’s death is rapidly approaching and by successfully getting evil corporations to pay higher taxes will save us all!Father Gore speed, brother, Father Gore speed!!!! For more, click here: http://www.whtm.com/news/stories/0110/695383.html
Like the tireless, Top Gun car salesman featured in the video, The Chosen One, last night in his State of the Union (State of the ‘Goonion’) Address, did his best to sell America, but he wasn’t just trying to sell a car that looked pretty on the outside and was really a broken down piece of junk. He was trying to sell his leftist ideas and policies that are appealing from the outside, but deep down in the core (engine), plain and simply, suck! You know, the same leftist policies full of that “hope” and “change” rubbish that he promised during his run for president, and his first year in office… no more poverty, no more racism, no more going bankrupt from health care costs, many more high paying jobs (green of course), no more coal plants, no more Gitmo, open health care debate & bipartisan reform, no more earmarks, no more tax increases on the middle class, no more lobbyists making policies, and on & on & on… Yeah, at the time, all of those promises being spewed out of Obama’s mouth sounded just as good as that newly shined used car looked before you bought it, but, unfortunately, the actual policies put in place by the inexperienced progressive turned out even worse than the purchase of that piece of junk car. Since this car salesman of a president took office… there’s more poverty, just as much racism, just as much bankruptcy from health care costs, less high paying jobs (profits are evil…I guess one doesn’t start a business with the intent to make a profit according this wack administration), no open health care debates or bipartisan reform, 8,000 times more earmarks than promised(and it’s only been one year), higher taxes on the middle class are being proposed, there are still the same number of coal plants (thank goodness, or else we all would have melted from all this current global warming), and of course, he’s hired at least a dozen lobbyists, and “Club Gitmo” is still open! Obama, sorry to say it, but you’re like a baby Robin, all mouth and full of shiz, all talk and no walk, or in the words of Joe Wilson, a liar!!!
First, we had the sexually explicit film starring Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee, a very classy couple indeed! Then, the notorious night vision smut staring Paris, ‘Party Girl,’ Hilton with some old D-bag. Next, was the very disturbing video of Kim Kardashian getting ‘jiggy’ with the no-talent-tool, Ray J! Who will be next to join this notorious gang of D-list celebrity perv’s to have a sex tape? Well, how about the former Democratic presidential candidate, John, ‘The Breck Girl,’ Edwards!? As if this creep did not have enough problems already. This total turd is going down so very wrong! Johnny-boy’s ‘creepathon-time-line’ is as follows: first, he cheated on his wife of thirty years that has breast cancer, I might add while on the campaign trail. Next, this genius got his videographer/mistress knocked up. (Not using protection that is very wise, very wise indeed!) Johnny slime-ball was then caught by the National Inquirer leaving his mistress’s hotel room after a night of fun, which wasn’t easy, when Edwards saw the National Inquirer he ran away and hid in the lobby bathroom like a total wimp. Edwards then got his former aide to fake a paternity test and steal one of the baby’s diapers to perform a DNA test on its poop…which, obviously, turned out well for him! Now, Edwards is also facing questions about whether he improperly used campaign funds in paying more than $100,000 to his Baby Mama’s production company. Edwards, you are one demented, sick, egomaniac weirdo! Good luck with your future political career, ya freak!
Warning: hard hat required. You’re about to enter, “The Spin Zone!” This segment of “The Spin Zone” is brought to you by none other than, Mr. Spinster himself, Robert “Fibbs” Gibbs. According to Mr. Fibbs, shown here, the people of Massachusetts elected Scott Brown to show support for Barack Obama. “Whatcha talkin bout Willis?” Wow, that was really… ’spinfull,’ Robert! Pass me the Dramamine, I feel some motion sickness coming on. What’s he going to say next, Biden was chosen as the V.P. because he is a really intelligent human being? I’m dizzy and I need to go lie down. As for Robert, keep on spinning Mr. Spinster!
Gordon Gekko called us the other day and said, “Hey I really like what you guys are doing on this site, it’s awesome! I’ll be speaking on the senate floor soon, is it alright if I tell them about thedailyzing.com?” We told him absolutely, go for it! Gekko’s speech turned out to be pretty similar to the one he gave to Tel-Dar Paper. You can check that one out here.
January 29, 2010 | Posted by TDZ 
Welcome to psychotherapy, earthling. Please initiate your staring process into the whirlwind beneath my arms. As you do, you will start feeling very sleepy. You will begin seeing the future of the world. A world burned from the chemical excrement released by a generation of ignorant, pickup-driving, Bush-loving, rednecks who refused to heed to the global warming warning from Father Greenhouse Gore. Now, as you go forth staring into the whirlwind, sleepiness will overtake your mind and you will start seeing laser-like strips of green passing through the darkness behind me. Those green flashes are symbolic for all the plant life you would have saved had you heeded the warning of Father Gore. But feareth not, redneck-earthling. There is redemption for your ignorant actions. But in order to receive it, you will need the proper Wizard-of-World Power. Reach out and take a hold of a piece of the sandstone rock in front of you with your right hand, and secure the chopped down piece of tree life in your left hand. You will then rub them together in a clockwise circular motion (symbolic for the rotation of the earth around the sun) for 30 seconds. Upon completion, you will then touch your hands together, focus on the green life behind me, and feel the winds of redemption coming from the whirlwind beneath my soft, lifeless and pale hands. If you focus, you will obtain redemption and power. Well done, earthling. Now that you have Wizard-of-World Green Power, you must go forth deleting all emails, evidence, facts and details that are contrary to our global warning doctrine…just as I did with the Climategate evidence. Remember, you must act boldly and fearlessly, regardless of its legality to the law of the land. You must always remain loyal to Father Greenhouse Gore and his special words- “the earth has a fever.” And you must never accept any evidence refuting our doctrine, for it is as true as the words of The Green Chosen Ones’ words from the State of the Union Address just two nights ago. Now, with your Green-Warlock-Wizard Power, go forth and succeed! The earth’s death is rapidly approaching and by successfully getting evil corporations to pay higher taxes will save us all! Father Gore speed, brother, Father Gore speed!!!! For more, click here: http://www.whtm.com/news/stories/0110/695383.html
Categories: Daily Zings | 
Tags: Al Gore, Conservative, fun, global warming, going green, greenhouse, high taxes, liberals, Michael Mann, news, obama, Penn State, political humor, Political Satire, State of the Union, The Daily Zing, U.S. politics, USA, white house | 
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