February 12, 2010 | Posted by TDZ
“I’d like
Chrissy Matthews, host of Wiffle ball, right here tonight. I want him brought from his nutty ‘MSLSD’ studio over there on Elitist Lane, with all the other loony Libs, and I want him brought right here with a big ribbon on his wind blown comb-over dome. And, I want to look him straight in the eyes and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no good, rotten, floor-flushing,
creepy, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred,
overstuffed,
ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, hopeless, heartless, fat-*ss, bug-eyed,
tingle-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed, sack of monkey sh*t he is! Hallelujah! Holly Sh*t! Where’s the Tylenol?” — National Lampoon’s Washington D.C. Vacation.
Categories: Creations and Comb-Overs | 
Tags: chris matthews, comb-over, creation, Elitist, fox news, hair piece, Hard Ball, msnbc, obama, Political Satire, politician comb-overs, Politics, tea party, The Daily Zing | 
1 Comment »
February 3, 2010 | Posted by TDZ
Fox News viewers are a bunch of “tin foil hatters, conspiracy theorists, paranoids and racists.” –Keith, The Stain, Olbermann. “It’s really not news – it’s pushing a point of view. And the bigger thing is that other news organizations...ought not to treat them that way, and we’re not going to treat them that way…” –White House Advisor David ‘Leather & Spice’ Axelrod. “Fox is not a news organization so much as it has a perspective…” --Rham, The Ballerina, Emmanuel. “Fox is not a traditional news organization...we don’t feel an obligation to treat them like a CNN or ABC or NBC…” --White House Communications Director Dan Pfeiffer
Well, Obama worshipping, liberal, butt-boys...time to get a royal facial!
According to a recent Public Policy Poll, 49 percent of Americans said they trust Fox News Channel over any other news organization…including CNN, MSNBC, HLN, ABC, NBC, and CBS. In fact, Fox was the only national NEWS ORGANIZATION that more people trusted than distrusted… Hey, ‘Sir Leather & Spice,’ can you say- “facial!?”
Oh, what’s that…you want a little cheese with that whine? Sorry, ‘Dancin’ Dead-fish Emmanuel,’ how about a little salt on your open wound instead!
During the coverage of the Haiti earthquake Fox averaged over 1.5 million viewers compared to less than 500,000 at MSNBC. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/01/15/fox-news-wins-haiti-ratin_n_425422.html
During the night of the Scott Brown election Fox’s “Hannity” had over 6 million viewers…that’s almost double CNN, MSNBC, and HLN, COMBINED. Ought oh, did someone just ‘Keith their pants?' http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/01/21/fox-news-ratings-explode_n_431478.html
During the ‘State of the All Talk and No Walk’…I mean, The State of the Union, Fox doubled the ratings of CNN and MSNBC, COMBINED. http://www.mediaite.com/tv/fox-news-dominates-state-of-the-union-cable-news-ratings/
Moral to the story, the person, or organization, that seems to be “out of touch” isn’t Fox News, but rather the White House Administration and its cheerleaders in the mainstream news! PS- You want a little cherry on top? Fox News Channel has had 13 of the top 15 most viewed Cable News Programs in the last 5 months!
Categories: Daily Zings | Tags: ABC, CBS, cnn, david axelrod, FNC ratings, Fox, fox news, Fox News ratings, funny politics, Hannity, HLN, keith olbermann, liberals, msnbc, NBC, obama, Olberstain, political humor, Political Satire, Rham Emanuel, sean hannity, The Daily Zing, white house, zing | 1 Comment »
January 19, 2010 | Posted by TDZ
Vladimir Putin recently said, chlorine used on American chickens as an anti-microbial agent for overseas shipping purposes is unsafe. You know what else is unsafe, Vladi? Polonium – 210. It’s highly radioactive and I hear it’s also delicious sprinkled over chlorine chicken. Just ask Alexander Litvinenko.
Alain Joyandet, the French minister in charge of humanitarian relief accuses the US of military occupation in Haiti. Pardon your French! Yeeeaahhh. That would be a great asset for the US to pick up right now, it would really help pull us out of the slump we’re in. I guess we could have sent all the humanitarian aid using non-military, government employees, but the US thought Haiti would like supplies tomorrow and not in April. Nice try Alain, but your accusation… Lame!
According to Danny Glover, concerning the earthquake in Haiti, “When we see what we did at the climate summit in Copenhagen, this is the response, this is what happens, you know what I’m sayin’?” Uhh… No Danny, I don’t know what you’re saying. Unless you are saying that because of what happened in Coppin-hoggin, the ground gods are angry at the world’s major leaders, and so, in order to exact its revenge on them, the ground gods will shake the earth in order to topple a third world country and reduce it to shambles, leaving hundreds of thousands dead in order to teach us all a lesson, then I… No, I still don’t understand what you’re saying Danny.
Last Friday Ed Schultz of MSNBC said, “I tell you what, if I lived in Massachusetts I’d try to vote 10 times. I don’t know if they’d let me or not, but I’d try to. Yeah, that’s right. I’d cheat to keep these bastards out. I would. ’Cause that’s exactly what they are.” Audio here. Sticks and stones, Ed, sticks and stones. Ed, you have clearly admitted defeat, and proven you’re a slime ball. Not that we didn’t already know it. Ed Shultz can be reached at butthurtalert.com for further questions.
Categories: Daily Zings | Tags: alain joyandet, alexander litvinenko, bastards, danny glover, ed shultz, massachusetts, msnbc, polonium-210, vladimir putin | 1 Comment »
December 31, 2009 | Posted by TDZ
TDZ sources intercepted an email that had a list of New Year Resolutions from the top 3 commentators at MSNBC. Take a look at what we found!
Chris Mathews said:
“I would just like to repeat the year 2008 over again…it brought me a constant tingle & thrill up my leg…I just..uh…I love the intellect and literacy of President Obama and every time I think of him I just get happy…Barack’s just like a mortal gift from God. That 2008 year was the greatest year in my life! Also, I intend to do everything in my power to make sure this President succeeds…even if it requires calling West Point and other military academies the ‘Enemy Camp’…it’s my duty to my President and country! Oh, and I’m going to get a new Obama figurine for my shrine.”
Keith Olbermann said:
“Well…after I lose 54 pounds…I intend to bring forth some extremely worthy causes in 2010. I will continue commentating during the Sunday Night NFL Pre-game Show, forcing viewers to put there t.v on mute…you see…I know that this hurts the network ratings and as a result it hurts the pocket books of those rich white republican NFL owners that overwhelmingly support & donate to the Republican Party…Hahaha! I’ll show them! Also, I will continue to nominate Bill O’Reilly the ‘Worst Person in the World’ because he’s definitely worse than Usama Bin Laden or any other murderer, rapist or terrorist out there…it’s just a fluke that he keeps getting 3 million more viewers a night on his show than I get on mine. But mostly, I hope to get a handle on my diarrhea disorder. I hate wearing depends!”
Rachel Maddow said:
“Damn it! I intend to start exercising harder and dressing better so that more women…and men for that matter…start obsessing more over me than that tea-bagging redneck Sarah Palin! Every time I mention Sarah’s name to my girlfriends…their jaws drop…I’ve had enough! Speaking of tea-baggers…I’m going to continue sending journalists to Palin’s book signings to interview the massively large crowds of hillbillies…I’m going to capture one of them on film saying something really ignorant and just keep playing it over and over to make Palin look like an idiot…and to paint her fans as racist & ignorant country folk. I’ll show those white-teabagging-rednecks and their Queen Tea-bagger, Sarah, that just because she can sell millions of books, does not mean that people really like her! And if one more person confuses me for Daneil Radcliffe (Harry Potter), or Katie Lang, I’m going to freak-out!!” (Seriously, you must click here to see the resemblance)
Yeah, folks, we couldn’t believe it either when we came across this email…but we’ll be honest…this information is just as valid as Sir Albert Gore Jr’s statistics on Global Warming! The TDZ crew would like to wish you fellow Cyber-Warriors-of-Zing a Happy New Year! May God bless you and your families…AND our country…throughout this new year! Strength & honor!
Categories: Daily Zings | Tags: 2010, Chris Mathews, daneil radcliffe, happy new year, keith olbermann, msnbc, rachel maddow, thrill up my leg | 2 Comments »
December 30, 2009 | Posted by TDZ
David the Goonster Shuster strikes again! The other day Sir Shuster got butt-hurt at the Drudge Report for running a story about the possibility of Senator Baucus being ‘crunk’ (crazy-drunk) when he took the floor of the Senate and went on an over 5 minute long tirade about health care reform and how the Republicans are just the ”party of no.” Of course, Dung-head-for-brains David decided he’d really get back at the Drudge Report and its readers for posting that story. How would he do such a thing you ask? Well, to the logical mind, aka conservative thinking mind, one would think the best way would be to disprove the Drudge Report’s story…but no…David Dingle-dork thought of something way more ingenious than that. He decided he’d just attack the Drudge Report & its readers by sending out a Tweet on Twitter to all 13 of his followers and just call the Drudge Report “repulsive” and its readers a bunch of “Wingnuts.” Ouch! David-Dingleberry, do anything but call us “Wingnuts,” we just cannot handle that harsh type of criticism. Man, you Utopian seeking liberal ideologues make The Art of Zinging way too easy! As usual, Dingleberry-dung-head-David, followed the leftist & communist style approach of personally attacking the informer rather than discrediting the informer’s theory. Click here and judge for yourself: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5Y9X5ggxzA Hey Dung-head David, one question for you- I ashk one-uh uh question… group of a 6 repub-republica-cans…you know-uh whoat happen- uh- happened –uh…attack the bill, attack the bill, attack the bill, attack the bill…Senator uh-Grass-uh-ly…uh…I reclaim my time…constantly, constantly, pressured him..Pressured him…uh-Grassly said-uh…Dingleberry-David, are you a fully functional human being? You cannot open-mindedly watch that clip and conclude that Senator ‘Crunkus’ Baucus was not inebriated…unless, of course, you’re a leftist-ideologue lunatic like you, Sir David Goonster Shuster the Dingleberry-dung-head!!
Categories: Daily Zings | Tags: david shuster, drudge report, drunk, drunk on senate floor, max baucus, msnbc, republicans, senator baucus drunk, tweet, twitter | 1 Comment »
