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You Might Be A Liberal Politician If

pelosi-reid-obamaYou might be a liberal politician if…

Whilst in a public shower you poke other naked people in their chest with your finger and threaten them.

You ignore the majority of the American people who are against universal healthcare and try to shove it down their grubby little faces anyway.

You try to change the constitution to fit your agenda of socialized medicine.

You’re a woman and have a shrill voice.  Don’t believe me?  Example 1 and 2 (skip to 1:07 and then 1:30)

You pay off other senators to buy their vote for your bill.

You wear tweed or corduroy.

Your ideologies are walking contradictions.

You are for something and then against it and then for it again.

Your political heroes are mass murdering dictators who piss on human rights.

You say things like pah-ki-stahn, koh-puhn-hah-guhn

You’re accused of a sex scandal by your own party coincidently at the same time they are trying to pass a bill that you don’t support and will not vote for.

And lastly…

You might be a liberal politician if… you suck.

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Massa Submits a Zing

Eric Massa Rahm EmanuelDemocratic Congressman Eric “Creepy” Massa (D) of N.Y. actually e-mailed the TDZ crew and submitted this amazingly zingful story!  Mr. Massa really went for it and he didn’t hold back any punches, so Mr. Massa we will run your zing.  Due to this zing you created, you may receive a lot more than a dead fish on your door step.  Rahmbo might put a stallion’s severed head in your bed!  So with no further adieu, Mr. Massa’s zing.

“Let me tell you a story about Rahm Emanuel, I was a congressman in my first eight weeks, and I was in the congressional gym, and I went down and I worked out and I went into the showers…I’m sitting there showering, naked as a jaybird and here comes Rahm Emanuel not even with a towel wrapped around his tush, poking his finger in my chest, yelling at me because I wasn’t going to vote for the president’s budget. Do you know how awkward it is to have a political argument with a naked man? By the way, what the heck is he doing in the Congressional gym, He goes there to intimidate members of Congress…He’s hated me since day one, and now he wins. Rahm Emanuel is son of the devil’s spawn! He is an individual who would sell his mother to get a vote. He would strap his children to the front end of a steam locomotive.” (Rep. Eric Massa D-NY)

Prison showers?

P.S. Democratic Congressman Eric “Creepy” Massa resigned amid ethics violations accusing him of man on man sexual harassment! Massa’s aide claims, and I quote, “Mr. Massa told me, he should be trying to f@#k me. Then Massa tussled my hair.” The TDZ is very confused with the Democrats homoerotic tactics of zinging one another and themselves! But it is very amusing and we really hope they keep it up.

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Enemy Of The State

Fight cardFollowing the lead of Hugo Chavez, President Obama, and his Mao Tse Tung praising, dead fish wielding, combover adorning, cabinet, have criticized Fox News and declared that they are not a news source.   They also said that the Secretary of the Treasury, “Turbo-Tax Tim Geithner” made an “honest mistake” on his taxes.  Anyhow, they have asked other news organizations to ignore the news stories that Fox breaks.  Awesome President Cast… I mean Obama.   If we follow your logic, President Obama, shouldn’t you be standing up for Fox News?  After all, you & your cabinet are strong proponents of equal air time on radio & cable TV, ie- “Fairness Doctrine.”  Since Fox News is the only right-of-center news network on cable TV, you should actually be forcing CNN and MSNBC to share their air time with FOX News so that the viewers of CNN and MSNBC can be “fairly” informed by both sides of the aisle.  Wait!  There aren’t really any viewers on CNN and MSNBC so just forget about that comment.

OK, OK, OK, back to this championship fight.  We’re stoked about our main event.  We have the Whitehouse vs. Fox News.  We predict Fox News will come out strong in the first two rounds with Fox & Friends.   We think the 3rd, 4th and 5th rounds are going to be tough as Anita Dunn uses her Mao Tse Tung evil revolutionary techniques to take down the Fox Report and Studio B.  Fear not though, the 7th and 8th round will be dominated by Fox News as Cavuto & Beck bring back a burst of energy to beat down David Axelrod.  At this point we predict the Whitehouse will realize their losing, get desperate, and send out their closer, Sir Dancing Dead Fish Emanual; however, his dancing will not be able to withstand the power and force of the O’Reilly, Hannity, Greta uppercut that will ultimately knock out the Whitehouse.  Only time will tell, but we feel safe putting our money where our mouth is.   In another great bout (Taliban vs. Women’s rights) we feel as long as the women of Iraq and Afganistan have the US military in there corner they will be victorious.  The other fight that we’re really excited about is The Governator vs. The Cyborgs.  After being denied the request to blow up the CA state deficit with a bazooka, we’re sure he’s looking to “blow off some steam, Bennet.”

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