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Barack “Big Oil” Obama Hates Sea Life & Fishermen!

TDZ — Fri, 28 May 2010 02:47:12 +0000

“Barack Obama doesn’t like black people.” -Kanye West….Oh wait, Kanye said- “George Bush doesn’t like black people,” that’s right…I forgot! Well, the TDZ has a new quote for you: “Barack Obama hates sea life and fishermen and loves big oil!”

During the Hurricane Katrina aftermath, Kanye, and the rest of the ‘Hollywierd” goons, claimed President Bush was a racist and magically manipulated Mother Nature’s winds to create a Hurricane that would destroy New Orleans and all the black people that resided there.

Yep, Bush manipulated the winds and Cheney strapped on his scuba gear and planted bombs at the bottom of the levies so that they could wipe out New Orleans’ black population.

Can you say “go-go-gadget stretch?” So, since Sir, Say-it-Through-the-Wire, Kanyeezy decided to go on a couple personal vacations instead of holding fundraisers for sea life cleanup and fishermen who are out of jobs, we decided we, the TDZ, would play the role of the ‘lame-stream-leftist media’ and create our own Bush-Cheney-esk conspiracy about Obama & big oil.

It goes like this: President Obama infiltrated the pipeline explosion by sending an undercover Haliburton operative to plant the bomb. This of course was done due to the pressure he was receiving from the weirdo go-green freaks that were pissed at him for recently signing a bill that would permit additional offshore oil exploration. By causing this disaster Obama was successful in four ways: one, he has damaged the U.S.’s future likelihood of off shore oil drilling. Two, he’s taking out all the non-governmental capitalist businesses on the Gulf Coast that rely on fish, beaches, and travel. Three, due to the lack of oil supplies the government will be forced to raise the gas tax to create alternative sources of energy.

And four, because Obama truly hates fish life and fishermen! Right, Kanyeezy? Oh, and one more little thing….because Obama happens to be the top recipient of BP political donations!

The Triple Deke Weekend

TDZ — Mon, 10 May 2010 05:26:21 +0000

‘Helluva’ weekend! The zings were flying every which way! And don’t you worry environment lovers, these zings were 100% natural…they occurred on their own. And “On the strength,” our three favorites are the following:

1- Desired Dictator Danny, the Hugo Chavez Loving Fool, Glover was booed during the flag ceremony at the Utah State University Commencement Address. Right on, right on! USU, way to let that goon know that his demonization of American politics is not welcome and his lack of love for our country and its flag can be better expressed in Venezuela… Best of all though, Utah State University really zung him again when they awarded him the honorary degree of “Doctor of Humane Letters.” ?????? Can you say….stretch!?

2- Over in the great state of Pennsylvania, ‘Benedict Arlen’ (Arlen Specter) was passed up by his Democratic challenger in the Real Clear Politics Poll for United States Senator. You know that’s bad when not even the Dem’s like you… Sorry ‘Benedict Arlen,’ I guess you need to “act like a lady…act, act, act like a lady.”

3- Back to the wonderful red state of Utah. The state delegates sent a message to the David Brooks Republicans out there that mediocre conservatism is not welcome! We, the true conservatives, are looking for conservative leaders with back bone! The state delegates voted out Senator Bob Bennett who did do some great things in his long career in politics; however, voting for TARP, the stimulus, and not being real firm on illegal immigration is not wanted. If you’re not going to represent your constituents, you’re outty-five-thousand, brotha!

‘Helluva’ weekend! To top it all off, we, the brothers of the Daily Zing, married off one of our fellow zingers! Hurry up ladies! There’s only two of us now!!

A Liberal Goon

TDZ — Mon, 26 Apr 2010 05:37:36 +0000

One of the TDZ’s very own will be getting married on May 8th, so the TDZ Crew and friends went to Las Vegas this weekend to have a Bachelor Party. Let’s just say it was an epic weekend, but we came across something weird.

On our return from Las Vegas we needed some food to recharge the batteries so we stopped at Costco to get a pizza. While waiting for our pizza we came across the ultimate Lib-goon.

By the way, why is that Liberals love to make a statement with their clothing? They love to dress all weird so that everyone knows they’re liberals. Picking a liberal out of a crowd is as easy as finding broken Obama promises.

This Lib-goon at Costco was rockin’ dark brown corduroy Daisy Duke shorts, a bright green tank top (because he was so “green”), hemp woven ‘mandals,’ and he had a beaded-woven ‘murse’ (male purse). Of course his partner had a matching outfit, except it was orange. Can you say “weirdo?”

Oh, and don’t worry, when we left the parking lot we saw them and they, of course, were driving a Subaru Hatchback with bumper stickers that in their mind’s eye are going to single handily save the universe from hunger, war and global warming.

Liberals! 100% of the time they’re always goons! =)

Obama gets Zinged by the TDZ

TDZ — Thu, 01 Apr 2010 05:37:17 +0000

Cass’s Fibery Flow

TDZ — Fri, 19 Mar 2010 06:14:58 +0000

“Let if flow, Let yourself go, Slow and low, That is the tempo.” I’ll bet you never knew the Beastie Boys wrote those lyrics to describe Cass Sunstein’s hair-follicle-flow? Cass, of course, is the Head of the White House Office of Information and Regulatory Affairs (O.I.R.A.). His ‘Cass-flow-comb-over’ was convincing enough to win over his fellow hair follicle magicians on the Left to nominate him as the head of O.I.R.A.

More importantly though, Sir ‘Cass-flow-comb-over’s’ hair is symbolic of his brains. . .In that he only has half of one. But you wouldn’t think that in talking to his left-wing supporters, they say he’s “extremely intellectual,” “he’s a constitutional genius,” “he’s so smart that he’s dumb!” OK, we said the last one, but you get the point!

This guy’s another one of those butt-hurt, butt-nuggets that thinks he’s so “gifted” and “intelligent” that he’s “wiser” than our founding fathers. . .Cass seems to think our first amendment right of freedom of speech needs to be changed because- “like-minded people speak or listen mostly to one another.” No shiz, Sherlock! Why in tar-nation would we want to listen, take advice or trust a dude with the level of ‘hair-follicle-funktitude’ that you have!? Seriously, when was the last time you looked in the mirror? The real reason he hates freedom of speech is because he, and the rest of the loony Lib’s, despise the success of conservative talk radio, conservative cable news, and conservative websites. You can’t fool us, “Sir Ivy League!”

And if you’re still not convinced that this guy’s a goon, well, this will change your mind. ‘Cass-stain’ believes “we should celebrate tax day.” Tell you what Cass, you should celebrate a ’stop-forcing-my-hair-follicle day’ and get that wack, fibery-flow buzzed off your dome!! You look like a goon, you act like a goon, you are a philosophical goon, and you are just plain and simply a- skinny, little, creepy, comb-over enhanced, liberal, G to the O-squared, N!!!!!!!!!!!

Abuse in Nevada- Featuring ‘Scary Harry’

TDZ — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 05:59:13 +0000

Harry, the creepy, soft-talking, grease-ball is at it again! This time he made a threat to his fellow Nevadans. How did he threaten them? Well, ‘Scary Harry,’ while talking about the highly saturated domestic crisis shelters in his home state, said – “Men, when they’re out of work, tend to become abusive. . .” So let me get this right Harry, you creepy goon…what you’re saying is that next November if you’re not reelected you’re going to become abusive? Because you’re surely going to be out of a job for none other than being abusive, not to your wife though, rather to your fellow republican senators, the American people, and your constituents! You better get a good marriage therapist now, you’re going to need one next November, butt-face-Reid!!

Poll Over

TDZ — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 07:25:14 +0000

Uhhh… you say what now? That poll said what? Wait a second, what’s the numbers again? Can we throw in some more words like “hope” and “change” and possibly get those poll numbers back in our favor? Hey Rham, has Uncle Joe (Biden) been appearing on a lot of networks lately…I mean golly, what’s the deal with the American people!? TDZ sources tell us that these have been the words repeatedly uttered out of President Obama’s mouth lately…well, so maybe that’s not completely true, but if Uncle Joe can start claiming credit for all the success that’s occurring in Iraq, the TDZ can predict the words being spoken by “O”!

Poll update alert:

According to recent Rasmussen poll, just 28% of Americans think our representatives in the House and Senate should continue building on the current health care bills in the House & Senate. 61% think they should completely scrap them and start over. http://www.cnsnews.com/news/article/61262

According to a recent Quinnipiac poll, only 25% of Americans think terror suspects should be tried with the same constitutional rights as U.S. civilians. http://www.cnsnews.com/news/article/61201

According to a recent Gallup poll, just 36% of Americans approve of President Obama’s handling of the economy. http://www.politico.com/blogs/laurarozen/0210/Job_approval.html

According to a recent Pew poll, just 28% of Americans think Global Warming should be within the top 20 priorities of the current administration. http://people-press.org/report/584/policy-priorities-2010

According to a recent Rasmussen poll, 63% of Americans believe it would be better for the country if the current incumbents in congress were not reelected this November. (Rasmussen poll here)_

According to a recent TDZ poll, 100% of Americans think the “Inglourious Basterds” should be flown into Iran to take care of Ah-ma-GOON-a-job! http://www.flickr.com/photos/thedailyzing/4343175932/

All the TDZ can say is, “poll over” Obama Administration…you’re going way too fast and reckless with all your wack and irresponsible policies!! And as for the accident prone Uncle Biden, please take our words of advice literally!

The Hard Ball Hair Blow

TDZ — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 06:09:34 +0000

“I’d like Chrissy Matthews, host of Wiffle ball, right here tonight. I want him brought from his nutty ‘MSLSD’ studio over there on Elitist Lane, with all the other loony Libs, and I want him brought right here with a big ribbon on his wind blown comb-over dome. And, I want to look him straight in the eyes and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no good, rotten, floor-flushing, creepy, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, hopeless, heartless, fat-*ss, bug-eyed, tingle-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed, sack of monkey sh*t he is! Hallelujah! Holly Sh*t! Where’s the Tylenol?” — National Lampoon’s Washington D.C. Vacation.

If You Can’t Win Them, Buy Them!

TDZ — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 06:21:12 +0000

When political life is tough and you can’t seem to convince your constituents to vote for you, why not just buy their vote? That’s what the Lib’s have up their sleeves! The Mercatus Center at George Mason University has recently revealed where your $787 billion “stimulus” tax-dollars have been aimed, and based upon their results, they may as well have been aimed for the toilet! The Obama Administration’s whole promise that unemployment would not exceed 8% if the stimulus bill was passed didn’t seem to work out too well. Of the $787 billion, thus far just over $157 billion has been awarded. And guess which political districts got most of that ‘cash-money?’ How’d you know? The Democrats! The Mercatus Center reports that of the $157 billion that’s been awarded, 73% of that money has been funneled into Democratic districts…and only 27% into Republican districts. The average dollar amount awarded per Democratic district is almost double that of the amount awarded per Republican district. The average Democratic district has received $439,200,100…while the average Republican district only received $232,047,857. Imagine that! Look out GOP, the Lib’s have hoarded over half a trillion dollars of that so-called “stimulus money,” and they intend to spit that out this election year on their constituents as fast and uncontrollably as Rham Emanuel spits out expletives! So next time you’re in a pickle and can’t seem to win-over your critics’ support…forget about it! Do it the ‘Obama-Rham-Chi-town way,’ and just buy their support!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qrLEqw0q5hg

The Tea Party Algorithm

TDZ — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 06:56:10 +0000

For the everyday Americans watching the main stream news, they must think the “Tea Party Movement” is some type of unsolved algorithm that could rid the universe of cancer. Every single day one hears news anchors asking- “who is behind the ‘Tea Party Movement?’” Is there any basis to these “primarily white, middle class, ultra right and confused Americans?” Are these just “well heeled scoundrels and demagogues being strenuously advertised by Rupert Murdoch’s Fox News?” “Who is at the head of the Tea Party Movement and does their message have any traction?” Well, you elitist, out-of-touch, goons in the media, allow me to assist you! (This advice also goes for you creepy leftist bloggers sitting in your underpants in your parent’s dark basement with your little Macintosh Notebook on your lap as you look up scholarly words for your next blog post!) The fact that you don’t understand the “Tea Party Movement” is precisely why your ratings blow!! You’re out of touch with the everyday Americans. Americans that are sick and tired of elitist punks in Washington believing their prestigious Ivy League diploma provides them with a ticket to tell the rest of us how we should, or should not, live our lives. The “Tea Party Movement” is simple. We want 5 things: less government control and entitlement programs, lower taxes, no rewarding “too big to fail” corporations with so called “bail-outs,” honesty from our elected officials, and fiscal discipline…you know, spending less than you actually make! Oh my goodness! Get out of here! That’s what the “Tea Party Movement” wants? What a bunch of white, redneck and ignorant racists! They want honesty, accountability, and fiscal discipline? What a bunch of right wing conspiracy theorist demagogues!! No, you elitist idiots, it’s just called the everyday beliefs of everyday Americans….or as you prefer… “Teabaggers.” Nice try though, you creepy basement bloggers and main stream media elites! Looks like you solved this “Tea Party Algorithm” about as well as that latest multi-level marketing algorithm predicted the stock market crash of 2008. Next up tonight- What’s behind the Scott Brown surprise victory…….