Happy New Year

December 31, 2009 | Posted by TDZ

TDZ sources intercepted an email that had a list of New Year Resolutions from the top 3 commentators at MSNBC. Take a look at what we found!

Chris Mathews said:

“I would just like to repeat the year 2008 over again…it brought me a constant tingle & thrill up my leg…I just..uh…I love the intellect and literacy of President Obama and every time I think of him I just get happy…Barack’s just like a mortal gift from God. That 2008 year was the greatest year in my life! Also, I intend to do everything in my power to make sure this President succeeds…even if it requires calling West Point and other military academies the ‘Enemy Camp’…it’s my duty to my President and country! Oh, and I’m going to get a new Obama figurine for my shrine.”

Keith Olbermann said:

“Well…after I lose 54 pounds…I intend to bring forth some extremely worthy causes in 2010. I will continue commentating during the Sunday Night NFL Pre-game Show, forcing viewers to put there t.v on mute…you see…I know that this hurts the network ratings and as a result it hurts the pocket books of those rich white republican NFL owners that overwhelmingly support & donate to the Republican Party…Hahaha! I’ll show them! Also, I will continue to nominate Bill O’Reilly the ‘Worst Person in the World’ because he’s definitely worse than Usama Bin Laden or any other murderer, rapist or terrorist out there…it’s just a fluke that he keeps getting 3 million more viewers a night on his show than I get on mine. But mostly, I hope to get a handle on my diarrhea disorder. I hate wearing depends!”

Rachel Maddow said:

“Damn it! I intend to start exercising harder and dressing better so that more women…and men for that matter…start obsessing more over me than that tea-bagging redneck Sarah Palin! Every time I mention Sarah’s name to my girlfriends…their jaws drop…I’ve had enough! Speaking of tea-baggers…I’m going to continue sending journalists to Palin’s book signings to interview the massively large crowds of hillbillies…I’m going to capture one of them on film saying something really ignorant and just keep playing it over and over to make Palin look like an idiot…and to paint her fans as racist & ignorant country folk. I’ll show those white-teabagging-rednecks and their Queen Tea-bagger, Sarah, that just because she can sell millions of books, does not mean that people really like her! And if one more person confuses me for Daneil Radcliffe (Harry Potter), or Katie Lang, I’m going to freak-out!!” (Seriously, you must click here to see the resemblance)

Yeah, folks, we couldn’t believe it either when we came across this email…but we’ll be honest…this information is just as valid as Sir Albert Gore Jr’s statistics on Global Warming! The TDZ crew would like to wish you fellow Cyber-Warriors-of-Zing a Happy New Year! May God bless you and your families…AND our country…throughout this new year! Strength & honor!