January 8, 2010 | Posted by TDZ
In a shocking manner, North Dakota Senator, Byron ‘Muffin-Top-Head’ Dorgan, announced his retirement from his senatorial duties, and also the retirement of his hair-piece, slash, ‘muffin-topesk creation!’ This is a horrendous way for Democrats to start the New Year! It’s difficult to overstate how much of a nightmare this represents. Not due to the fact the Dem’s will lose another seat, but the fact that Dorgan’s creation was so damn good looking! Now, the liberal lunatics must simply rely upon Carl Levin’s ‘Eclipse-of- the-Dome,’ Chucky Schumer’s patented ‘Plugs McGee’ look, and last but not least, Uncle Joe Biden’s ‘Scrappy-Scranton-Skullet’ to mesmerize the female constituents, aka “feminazis,” into voting for Democrats in the upcoming mid-term elections! Good luck with that you warlocks and necromancers of hair follicle! You’re gonna need it!
Categories: Creations and Comb-Overs | 
Tags: Byron Dorgan, comb-over, combover, democrat, hair piece, north dakota, retire, retiring, senator, Toupee | 
3 Comments »
December 21, 2009 | Posted by TDZ
These are the sacred rules of the Politicians Handbook, passed down for thousands of years. If you want to take power, hold office and win favor, follow these easy rules and you shall be known in all the land as a greasy politician.
1. Lie to no end. Even lie about simple things that don’t even matter. Then act appalled if someone suggests you’re lying.
2. Promise the moon and the stars.
3. Tell everyone what they want to hear, even if it conflicts with the speech you gave yesterday at the Ladies of Liberty luncheon.
4. Have a mistress on the side. This can include but not limited to: a call girl, an escort, a model, campaign worker or intern. Also, don’t limit yourself to one. You will get caught, so you might as well live it up. For more information on this subject refer to the professional athlete, Hollywood celebrity or rockstar handbook.
5. Shake every hand.
6. Get a photo taken of you holding/kissing a baby. This will win favor with the female demographic.
7. Save a community center/city park.
8. Meet with a spiritual adviser.
9. Gladly accept bribes from people who in turn will ask you to pass legislation or city ordinances for them at a later date, they may also ask for government pork.
10. When trying to make a point while talking, use a closed fist with thumb slightly protruded upwards to really hammer home your idea.
11. Have a great head of hair – We’d like to take some time to express the importance of this section, this is possibly one of the most important rules. If you do not have a great head of hair there are many solutions that will effectively deceive potential voters, giving you that victory you’re looking for. Examples:
a. Hair plugs – offers a very natural look with virtually no evidence of surgery. Though you will have to take time off for recovery. Click here for examples.
b. Toupee – flawlessly covers male pattern baldness with zero suggestion of hair trickery or tomfoolery whatsoever. There is a wide range of toupee’s available, offering many different hair styles. Chose wisely because you will be required to wear this hair piece for the rest of your life/political career. See rule # 12 Click here for examples.
c. Comb-over – the crown jewel of all balding solutions. The Houdini of hair deception, The David Blaine of hair mastery, the Chris Angel of… well you get the idea. The combover, known as the flawless victory in the seedy underworld of politics, is the ultimate solution to baldness. There are many options with the combover, the most common: east to west, with available west to east variant. Followed by the strangely mesmerizing back to front. And the most provocative, the full frontal exposure. Click here for examples.
12. Pick a hair style and stick with it. You are not allowed to change this style for a few reasons according to political strategists.
a. You want your voters to feel safe. You are the same candidate you were when they voted for you.
b. A change in hair style may leave your constituents feeling vulnerable, as though you might start changing other things, such as your politics.
c. A change in hair style can confuse voters leaving them wondering, where is the person I used to vote for?
13. Consort with shady characters. Not only should you consort with them but also have strong ties, dine, play golf, and gallivant about town with them.
14. Only interview with media personal who you know will lob softballs at you so you can knock them out of the park. Avoid media persons who ask tough questions. This will expose your many weaknesses. If ever put into a tough situation in an unavoidable interview, give vague answers that mean nothing.
Categories: Daily Zings | Tags: carl levin, Chuck schumer, comb-over, hair plugs, joe bidden, Politicians, politicians hand book, Toupee | 1 Comment »
November 6, 2009 | Posted by TDZ
Oh brother! I don’t know what’s worse about Congressman James Traficant’s laundry list: taking bribes, filing false tax returns, racketeering, forcing aides to perform chores at the farm in Ohio, or adorning the fabulous pompadour creation atop his felonious dome. I wonder if his pompadour creation also has to check the “have you ever been convicted of a felony box?” You would think that he would have at least bought a decent dome-rug with his bribery money, but then again, that’s a Washington politician’s logic for ya! PS- Yes, that really is his hair in all 4 pictures, all except for the eyeballs & tongue.
Categories: Creations and Comb-Overs | Tags: James Traficant, Toupee | 7 Comments »
In a shocking manner, North Dakota Senator, Byron ‘Muffin-Top-Head’ Dorgan, announced his retirement from his senatorial duties, and also the retirement of his hair-piece, slash, ‘muffin-topesk creation!’ This is a horrendous way for Democrats to start the New Year! It’s difficult to overstate how much of a nightmare this represents. Not due to the fact the Dem’s will lose another seat, but the fact that Dorgan’s creation was so damn good looking! Now, the liberal lunatics must simply rely upon Carl Levin’s ‘Eclipse-of- the-Dome,’ Chucky Schumer’s patented ‘Plugs McGee’ look, and last but not least, Uncle Joe Biden’s ‘Scrappy-Scranton-Skullet’ to mesmerize the female constituents, aka “feminazis,” into voting for Democrats in the upcoming mid-term elections! Good luck with that you warlocks and necromancers of hair follicle! You’re gonna need it! 
