May 27, 2010 | Posted by TDZ
“Barack Obama doesn’t like black people.” -Kanye West….Oh wait, Kanye said- “George Bush doesn’t like black people,” that’s right…I forgot! Well, the TDZ has a new quote for you: “Barack Obama hates sea life and fishermen and loves big oil!”
During the Hurricane Katrina aftermath, Kanye, and the rest of the ‘Hollywierd” goons, claimed President Bush was a racist and magically manipulated Mother Nature’s winds to create a Hurricane that would destroy New Orleans and all the black people that resided there.
Yep, Bush manipulated the winds and Cheney strapped on his scuba gear and planted bombs at the bottom of the levies so that they could wipe out New Orleans’ black population.
Can you say “go-go-gadget stretch?” So, since Sir, Say-it-Through-the-Wire, Kanyeezy decided to go on a couple personal vacations instead of holding fundraisers for sea life cleanup and fishermen who are out of jobs, we decided we, the TDZ, would play the role of the ‘lame-stream-leftist media’ and create our own Bush-Cheney-esk conspiracy about Obama & big oil.
It goes like this: President Obama infiltrated the pipeline explosion by sending an undercover Haliburton operative to plant the bomb. This of course was done due to the pressure he was receiving from the weirdo go-green freaks that were pissed at him for recently signing a bill that would permit additional offshore oil exploration. By causing this disaster Obama was successful in four ways: one, he has damaged the U.S.’s future likelihood of off shore oil drilling. Two, he’s taking out all the non-governmental capitalist businesses on the Gulf Coast that rely on fish, beaches, and travel. Three, due to the lack of oil supplies the government will be forced to raise the gas tax to create alternative sources of energy.
And four, because Obama truly hates fish life and fishermen! Right, Kanyeezy? Oh, and one more little thing….because Obama happens to be the top recipient of BP political donations!
Categories: Daily Zings | 
Tags: BP and Obama, BP oil spill, bush and katrina, holly wood activists, kanye west on oil spill, obama, oil spill, Politics, The Daily Zing, white house | 
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March 29, 2010 | Posted by TDZ
Today we’re bringing in the focus on greasy politics 101, or, as we’ve titled it- “More of the Same,” which is one of the Dem’s favorite campaign slogans used to target Republicans as being the same as George W. Bush.
However, we’re using this slogan to go after ‘Mr. Crisco’ himself, President Obama, for his thick, greasy and shady “Doc Fix” stunt in the health care bill.
This “Doc Fix” is a quarter of a Trillion dollar part of the health care bill, that’s “technically” not part of the bill. It was purposely not included in the “official” health care bill because of its massive cost. It would have/does go contrary to Obama’s promise to not pass a health reform bill that would add to the deficit.
So what sketchy trick did ‘Mr. Crisco’ and the Dem’s come up with? Well, they removed the $250 billion “Doc Fix” from the original bill to cook the books to look like the bill was saving the country money, when in all reality it did/will not. The health care bill would NOT work without the “Doc Fix,” yet since the “Doc Fix” costs so much, Obama & the Dem’s just removed it and put it into another bill so that everyone will think the “official” health care bill is going to save the country money. In reality though, even after the books were cooked, if you include this “Doc Fix” to the overall cost of the bill, it will cost tax payers another $59 billion more than if they didn’t pass a single bill at all. Well done grease balls, but you cannot fool the TDZ!!
This ‘Crisco-esk’ maneuver would be like a home builder saying: “OK, this house only costs $150,000.” So you give the builder the confirmation to build you a home. Then you show up for the closing and the builder tells you that the advertised price of $150,000 does NOT include the $50,000 price for the lot, which is a quarter of the cost of building/buying a new home.
Whichever way ‘President Crisco’ and the Dem’s want to spin this grease-ball “Doc Fix” tactic, at the end of the day, it’s still just “more of the same” of the partisan, behind closed doors, political grease, and come November the Dem’s will see how much common sense Americans like grease being mixed into their politics.
Categories: Daily Zings | Tags: " more of the same in politics, "Doc Fix, conservative politics, liberal politics, Obama's Doc Fix, political humor, Political Satire, white house | No Comments »
March 19, 2010 | Posted by TDZ
“Let if flow, Let yourself go, Slow and low, That is the tempo.” I’ll bet you never knew the Beastie Boys wrote those lyrics to describe Cass Sunstein’s hair-follicle-flow? Cass, of course, is the Head of the White House Office of Information and Regulatory Affairs (O.I.R.A.). His ‘Cass-flow-comb-over’ was convincing enough to win over his fellow hair follicle magicians on the Left to nominate him as the head of O.I.R.A.
More importantly though, Sir ‘Cass-flow-comb-over’s’ hair is symbolic of his brains. . .In that he only has half of one. But you wouldn’t think that in talking to his left-wing supporters, they say he’s “extremely intellectual,” “he’s a constitutional genius,” “he’s so smart that he’s dumb!” OK, we said the last one, but you get the point!
This guy’s another one of those butt-hurt, butt-nuggets that thinks he’s so “gifted” and “intelligent” that he’s “wiser” than our founding fathers. . .Cass seems to think our first amendment right of freedom of speech needs to be changed because- “like-minded people speak or listen mostly to one another.” No shiz, Sherlock! Why in tar-nation would we want to listen, take advice or trust a dude with the level of ‘hair-follicle-funktitude’ that you have!? Seriously, when was the last time you looked in the mirror? The real reason he hates freedom of speech is because he, and the rest of the loony Lib’s, despise the success of conservative talk radio, conservative cable news, and conservative websites. You can’t fool us, “Sir Ivy League!”
And if you’re still not convinced that this guy’s a goon, well, this will change your mind. ‘Cass-stain’ believes “we should celebrate tax day.” Tell you what Cass, you should celebrate a ’stop-forcing-my-hair-follicle day’ and get that wack, fibery-flow buzzed off your dome!! You look like a goon, you act like a goon, you are a philosophical goon, and you are just plain and simply a- skinny, little, creepy, comb-over enhanced, liberal, G to the O-squared, N!!!!!!!!!!!
Categories: Creations and Comb-Overs | Tags: Cass Sunstein, liberal politicians, Office of Information and Regulatory Affairs, OIRA, political humor, The Daily Zing, white house | 1 Comment »
March 8, 2010 | Posted by TDZ
Did you all know that Mark McGwire had a brother in the cable news business? Click here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nObPplOGUdI Wow! Apparently, Mark and Dylan have the same “Nutritionist” too. . . The only difference is Mark used the needle-in-the-butt nutrition to go yard on the ball field, while his brother, Dylan ‘Roid-Rage’ Ratigan, uses it to go berserk in the news room. Hey Dylan, ease up on the “needle therapy,” you roid-monkey!!
My favorite part of Dylan’s rant was this: “You’re wasting valuable oxygen. Can we please cut off this man’s microphone? He has no interest in answering any of my questions. Mark, a pleasure – actually not really a pleasure. It was offensive. You’re offensive. Your treatment of my show as a vehicle to spread your propaganda, ignore my questions, offensive. And an indication of what is wrong with the dialogue in this country, period. ..”
Haha! Dylan, you sounded like a spoiled little school-boy brat crying about whom gets first player on Mario Kart. . . Dylan, the only indication we got from this is that your opinion of “dialogue in this country” is hypocritical and wack, and that you’re just a little huffy-puffy, school-boy, roid-ragin,’ freak! Easy on the ‘needle therapy,’ bud!!
Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: conservatives, Dylan Ratigan, Humor, liberals, political humor, Politics, republicans, steroids, tea party, Tea Party Express, white house, Wing nuts | No Comments »
